Chemistry.com has a drug problem. Specifically crack. I swear that every so often the matches they hook me up with could only be the result of some massive crack addiction.
Of course, there are great matches every so often and decent matches most of the time, but sometimes I get matched with someone who very clearly is not a good fit.
To be featured on these type of posts, the author of the profile has to be so dramatically unclear, so wildly hard to follow that I just scratch my head. And when I start scratching my head, blog posts come to me.
The profile below has been untouched. It’s exactly as it was in the wild.
Witness the geniusness…
“ready to travel and have fun
I am looking to be dated at first. non of this “hanging out”. I like the traditional courting in the begining.
I look forwrad to meeting someone who is open minded and looking for adventure and fun in there life. Some one who can be a good partner and we compliment eachother nicely.”
To be fair, I don’t know this girl. She is probably a wonderful person who loves dogs and children and ice cream cakes. But…
…where does she tell me anything about herself?
This profile is so hard to follow, so generic and so full of misspellings that it’s hard to know where to begin. Let’s start with the lack of proper capitalization. I realize that it’s popular to write in all lower case but that’s not what’s going on here.
This personal ad is the equivalent of
- going into a really fancy steakhouse,
- ordering their best filet and…
- out comes a plastic tray (complete with plastic fork and knives) and one of this shitty Salsbury steaks you would eat while watching the A-Team as a kid.
In other words, no time and no effort was put into this description of self. If there was more than a few seconds’ thought given to it, I would be surprised.
Then there’s also the length of the personal ad. I’m sorry but I find it very hard to believe that 6 sentences could accurately describe anyone. People have much more going on than just 6 sentences.
But let’s go further…
“ready to travel and have fun”
Who among us is not ready to have fun? Is there anyone who would say proudly “I’m not ready to enjoy myself. I sit home at night, eating cucumber slices and crying to myself.”
And then we move to, “I am looking to be dated at first.”
As opposed to? Being admired from afar? Getting married after a date or two? Becoming a pickpocket in an Eastern European country? Buying fake mustaches from an unlicensed dealer?
Ostensibly the idea of going to a dating site is that you would like to go on a date. Radical. I know but still.
The final nugget is “I look forwrad to meeting someone who is open minded and looking for adventure and fun in there life. Some one who can be a good partner and we compliment eachother nicely.”
Let’s look past the mispelling or the odd combination or seperation of concepts. This is so non-specific. Again, not to belabor the point, but even humorless people would say they like fun. They might even be bold enough to say they like adventure.
And I think that about does it for this particular ad 😉